the Apocalypse is upon us
Okay, Nightmare was *so* funny this time that I've been inspired.
The Seven Signs of the Apocalypse, local (Honolulu) style:
1. Delaminating tri-fin shortboards. "Verily, Pipe and Backdoor are no longer rideable." And the righteous raised their tear-stained eyes to heaven in consternation.
2. Foodland no got slippahs (cheap black plastic thongs, standard Hawaiian footwear). And the entire population of greater Oahu went barefoot.
3. Da bus drivah on my route retired after 30 years. Da Good Boss Up Dea take da buggah up inside da sky--or at least to a condo leeward side--so us wretched peeps got to walk cuz can no longer tell for sure that one City Bus arrive without fail 10 minutes late every hour on the half-hour. Fuck, the righteous blasphemed, with passion.
4. Mice. In the dry, defoliating summer, after the damp, lush winter, the mice hordes overrunneth, seeking Emmentaler and Gruyere. And the righteous did bruise their fingers in evil, snapping mousetraps, the machines of Satan, and verily ill was upon them.
5. Da God Kahano get off one white horse and lie down in the ocean again, arms outstretched, and those friggin' menehune (little people) start walking over the bridge of his arms from Tahiti and other places to Oahu again, jalike befoh little kid time (just like ancient times), and now every rainbow in the Koolau mountain range has 147 leprechauns fighting over an ephemeral pot of gold. And the righteous who were not licensed real estate brokers smote their breasts at skyrocketing median house prices.
6. Da Angels (or Rainbow Warriers) and da Bowls. Univ. of Hawaii Manoa hires Jerry Glanville as defensive coach, and the Rainbow Warriers go from second-worst defense to playing in one Rose Bowl. After Glanville again leaves a pair of 50-yard-line tickets at the box office for Elvis and Guest. And the righteous intoned, "Lay off of my blue suede shoes."
7. God's spesho guy come back. Yeah, da Jesus Guy. Can see him any time at Manoa Falls, in the vicinity of defunct Paradise Park. If you got da right kine eyes. (Don Ho is spesho, too, but his nightclub is a different gig.)
The Seven Signs of the Apocalypse, local (Honolulu) style:
1. Delaminating tri-fin shortboards. "Verily, Pipe and Backdoor are no longer rideable." And the righteous raised their tear-stained eyes to heaven in consternation.
2. Foodland no got slippahs (cheap black plastic thongs, standard Hawaiian footwear). And the entire population of greater Oahu went barefoot.
3. Da bus drivah on my route retired after 30 years. Da Good Boss Up Dea take da buggah up inside da sky--or at least to a condo leeward side--so us wretched peeps got to walk cuz can no longer tell for sure that one City Bus arrive without fail 10 minutes late every hour on the half-hour. Fuck, the righteous blasphemed, with passion.
4. Mice. In the dry, defoliating summer, after the damp, lush winter, the mice hordes overrunneth, seeking Emmentaler and Gruyere. And the righteous did bruise their fingers in evil, snapping mousetraps, the machines of Satan, and verily ill was upon them.
5. Da God Kahano get off one white horse and lie down in the ocean again, arms outstretched, and those friggin' menehune (little people) start walking over the bridge of his arms from Tahiti and other places to Oahu again, jalike befoh little kid time (just like ancient times), and now every rainbow in the Koolau mountain range has 147 leprechauns fighting over an ephemeral pot of gold. And the righteous who were not licensed real estate brokers smote their breasts at skyrocketing median house prices.
6. Da Angels (or Rainbow Warriers) and da Bowls. Univ. of Hawaii Manoa hires Jerry Glanville as defensive coach, and the Rainbow Warriers go from second-worst defense to playing in one Rose Bowl. After Glanville again leaves a pair of 50-yard-line tickets at the box office for Elvis and Guest. And the righteous intoned, "Lay off of my blue suede shoes."
7. God's spesho guy come back. Yeah, da Jesus Guy. Can see him any time at Manoa Falls, in the vicinity of defunct Paradise Park. If you got da right kine eyes. (Don Ho is spesho, too, but his nightclub is a different gig.)
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