too good not to share
This entire post is lifted from: http://www.hardcovermedia.com/lab/articles/lightbulb.htm
The author's name is at the bottom.
******************************************************************
How Many Font Designers
Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?
1 to receive the project request and spend 16 hours studying the different processes involved, then phone other font designers and ask them if they know of the easiest way to quote on changing the light bulb.
15 to wonder why the light bulb changing RFQ didn't go to them instead.
1 to point out on an online forum that recently a very similar light bulb was changed in the house next door. Huh!
102 to remain silent and wonder if the above observation would actually lead to anything.
1 to reply that if a very similar light bulb was changed next door, people should have the decency to send their project request to the person who changed that light bulb instead of encouraging methodical piracy and amateur competition based solely on how cheap the end user of the light is.
3 to view that position as censorship and advocacy to monopolize.
1 to post a URL of a site that has exact instructions on how to change the light bulb.
7 to discuss the method described in the URL and debunk it every which way, citing as proof historical writings and what was published at an ATypI conference in 1972.
1 to melancholy and use heartbreaking prose to express that changing the light bulb is just not done the same crafty way these days.
23 to agree with the melancholy and link to acquaintances who still to this day change light bulbs the traditional way.
1 to laugh anonymously and tell people to just chill, it's just a goddam light bulb.
1 to very scoldingly inform the anonymous person that changing a light bulb is largely a thankless task that takes many sleepless nights, sometimes even weeks or months to accomplish, and that the least people can do in this overwhelmingly ignorant world is show some understanding, taste and sophistication.
6 to wonder publicly what the anonymous person has to hide.
1 moderator to censor three incriminating posts and tell people to either lay off the personal attacks or take it to another forum.
4 to complain about the censorship.
1 to applaud it.
1 to use multiple posts to call the complainers vermin, thieves, assholes, child molesters, rapists, murderers, and blame them for ruining the art of changing light bulbs.
3 to complain about the word 'asshole'.
1 to point out in a sideways manner that the original request included a light bulb exclusivity clause.
2 to exclaim that exclusivity would be impossible, since so many other places already have similar light bulbs.
1 to email the three main bulb socket manufacurers and ask them about the possiblity and cost of taking on an exclusive socket grooving, then publish a summary of their replies to the forum.
8 to express anger about underhanded commerce inherent in that line of thought, its possible consequences and the inevitability of the whole world going to hell in a hand basket if people were to keep getting away with such insanity.
2 socket manufacturer representatives to state that just because so and so is getting a specific kind of railing in their socket doesn't mean that mainstream sockets and light bulbs will increase in price and/or become a rarity.
1 to tell the socket manufacturers off and thoroughly prove, on legal grounds taking root in obscure international treaties as well as on moral grounds, that light bulbs should not cost anything, therefore sockets should be generic worldwide to accommodate people with any kind of light bulb, and to follow the post by initiating OILS, or Organization of International
Lighting Standards, a not-for-profit trade body, the directors, managers and members of which all happen to be his friends, business associates and/or customers.
1 to quote an article from the web showing that there already is an ISO designation concerning itself with lighting, and even another designation concerning itself specifically with light bulbs and the sockets in which they get screwed.
2 to complain about the word 'screwed'.
1 to furiously snub everyone and solemnly declare that (s)he will never post again to the forum on the grounds that it has been unethically tolerant, stating the fact that nobody cared to notice that the initial request for changing the light bulb didn't recognize that there needs to be a limit on the number of people that can benefit from the power surging through the bulb.
1 to post a bunch of question marks in response to the above.
1 to publicly explain to the question-marker that changing light bulbs normally comes with a license that entitles the user of the light bulb to flip the switch to the upward position only if the people in the room where the light bulb amount up to a certain number, which is not to be exceeded unless certain fees are paid to the appropriate parties.
1 independent guy d.b.a. something or other to post a link to his exemplary Light Bulb End User License Agreement, originally written by himself but thoroughly reworked by John Szchlong, attorney at law working for the reputable corporate law firm of Ript, Till & Udie. The license agreement clearly and undisputably states that the rays emanating from the light bulb are to benefit up to a maximum of five (5) persons and two (2) pets at any given time. The license agreement also clearly states that if the light bulb were to be used to provide lighting for more than 5 persons and/or 2 pets, the possibility of a mighty judgment coming can be very relevant. The last paragraph of the licensing agreement states that special discounted pricing is available for multiple light bulb installations (e.g. parties).
1 to exclaim:"Well jeez, it's my fucken light bulb!"
3 to complain about the word 'fucken'.
1 to use a quote by a dead philosopher to point out the perils of common typos, such as the misspelt word "fucken", and that the two traditional ways of spelling the word are " fucking " and " fuckin'", then hastily adding that the word itself is of course too vulgar and inappropriate to any discussion, especially the current one, since the street word for copulating cannot possibly have anything substantial to do with the subject on hand.
1 to ignore all that and patiently explain to the person with the foul fingertips that no, sir, it is not your light bulb, that it is the manufacturer's light bulb, that one only purchases the rights to use the light bulb under certain conditions which are enforceable legally.
1 light bulb manufacturing company representative to thank the patient explainer, and explain further that if the conditions under which the light bulb was purchased are not met, the light bulb user can and will be held accountable to the atrocity of such pirate activity, that although the rep works for a light bulb manufacturing company his or her views shouldn't be
construed as the position of the company itself, that no rights are deferred, that all rights are reserved, and that if someone received this communication by mistake they should kindly alert the originator to the mishap and delete the post itself, or else.
74 to remain silent for two days because the light bulb manufacturing company rep posted.
1 to get back to the original topic and point out that two leading manufacturers have some years ago developed a new light switch technology (NLST) that can detect the number of the people in a room and activate a self-locking mechanism on the switch if that number exceeds a particular ceiling. Furthermore, the changer of the light bulb can set the maximum number of people that the switch can take via a digitally signed table called NUMB (whereas the minimum number of people can be set via the NUMA table, but it's usually set at 0). The person then goes on to say that regardless of whether or not this technology is to be used in conjunction with the light bulb in question here, the licensing agreement of the light bulb itself should clearly state the minimum and maximum number of people allowed in the room. This would serve to legally enforce the contract, as opposed to NLST which serves to enforce the contract only technologically, which as history has well proven is usually circumventable given enough time and bad apples.
1 to ask the question: "If there are 0 people in a room, who the hell is going to flip the switch?"
1 to explain that using technologies currently in development light switch users in the future will certainly be able to flip the switch in a particular room from anywhere on the planet, that IBM has already patented such applications, and that the competition in that budding industry is the fiercest since jousting days.
1 to ponder the possibilities of such technologies and publicly imagine how things will happen 400 years in the future.
1 guy, hoping for rewards in reputation, sex and public support, to publish a long essay on how horrible it must be for women who choose to change light bulbs these days, given the traditionally male-dominated field of light bulb installation.
3 women to start WALE, Women's Association of Lighting Experts, the logo of which is a romanticized and swashed vector version of a 1941 painting entitled "Eve's New Apple", portraying the very first woman to ever change a light bulb, an Italian named Beatrice Russo.
1 guy to complain at length that WALE is an elitist, prejudiced, separatist, and all-around detestable concept.
1 gay guy to flame the complainer and subsequently propose the start of GALE, Gay Association of Lighting Experts, a proposal which both men and women ignore, women because they're just having so much fun getting their own thing up and going, and men because they're afraid to bond with the gay guy.
1 random web cruiser to tell the whole forum to take their light bulb and lodge it where it would not be able to emit any light even if it wants to.
1 to ask whatever the hell happened to the initial request for a light bulb change, and be told that the prospective client thought the whole silly salad was too darn saucy so got his niece to change the light bulb for $10.
28 to voice extreme concern and eyeball-rolling over the legitimacy of any light bulb changed by a hobbyist for so little money, the legitimacy of any human being who accepts to use such a cheap solution, the legitimacy of any nincompoop layman who has the nerve to even attempt changing a light bulb without first writing out a good project plan where historical quotes, great advice from the experts and due thanks to them would be included, and the legitimacy of anyone's niece.
1 forum owner to summarize the whole thread and start an extension of it on his own forum.
Fredrick Nader
August 28, 2003
Toronto
The author's name is at the bottom.
******************************************************************
How Many Font Designers
Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?
1 to receive the project request and spend 16 hours studying the different processes involved, then phone other font designers and ask them if they know of the easiest way to quote on changing the light bulb.
15 to wonder why the light bulb changing RFQ didn't go to them instead.
1 to point out on an online forum that recently a very similar light bulb was changed in the house next door. Huh!
102 to remain silent and wonder if the above observation would actually lead to anything.
1 to reply that if a very similar light bulb was changed next door, people should have the decency to send their project request to the person who changed that light bulb instead of encouraging methodical piracy and amateur competition based solely on how cheap the end user of the light is.
3 to view that position as censorship and advocacy to monopolize.
1 to post a URL of a site that has exact instructions on how to change the light bulb.
7 to discuss the method described in the URL and debunk it every which way, citing as proof historical writings and what was published at an ATypI conference in 1972.
1 to melancholy and use heartbreaking prose to express that changing the light bulb is just not done the same crafty way these days.
23 to agree with the melancholy and link to acquaintances who still to this day change light bulbs the traditional way.
1 to laugh anonymously and tell people to just chill, it's just a goddam light bulb.
1 to very scoldingly inform the anonymous person that changing a light bulb is largely a thankless task that takes many sleepless nights, sometimes even weeks or months to accomplish, and that the least people can do in this overwhelmingly ignorant world is show some understanding, taste and sophistication.
6 to wonder publicly what the anonymous person has to hide.
1 moderator to censor three incriminating posts and tell people to either lay off the personal attacks or take it to another forum.
4 to complain about the censorship.
1 to applaud it.
1 to use multiple posts to call the complainers vermin, thieves, assholes, child molesters, rapists, murderers, and blame them for ruining the art of changing light bulbs.
3 to complain about the word 'asshole'.
1 to point out in a sideways manner that the original request included a light bulb exclusivity clause.
2 to exclaim that exclusivity would be impossible, since so many other places already have similar light bulbs.
1 to email the three main bulb socket manufacurers and ask them about the possiblity and cost of taking on an exclusive socket grooving, then publish a summary of their replies to the forum.
8 to express anger about underhanded commerce inherent in that line of thought, its possible consequences and the inevitability of the whole world going to hell in a hand basket if people were to keep getting away with such insanity.
2 socket manufacturer representatives to state that just because so and so is getting a specific kind of railing in their socket doesn't mean that mainstream sockets and light bulbs will increase in price and/or become a rarity.
1 to tell the socket manufacturers off and thoroughly prove, on legal grounds taking root in obscure international treaties as well as on moral grounds, that light bulbs should not cost anything, therefore sockets should be generic worldwide to accommodate people with any kind of light bulb, and to follow the post by initiating OILS, or Organization of International
Lighting Standards, a not-for-profit trade body, the directors, managers and members of which all happen to be his friends, business associates and/or customers.
1 to quote an article from the web showing that there already is an ISO designation concerning itself with lighting, and even another designation concerning itself specifically with light bulbs and the sockets in which they get screwed.
2 to complain about the word 'screwed'.
1 to furiously snub everyone and solemnly declare that (s)he will never post again to the forum on the grounds that it has been unethically tolerant, stating the fact that nobody cared to notice that the initial request for changing the light bulb didn't recognize that there needs to be a limit on the number of people that can benefit from the power surging through the bulb.
1 to post a bunch of question marks in response to the above.
1 to publicly explain to the question-marker that changing light bulbs normally comes with a license that entitles the user of the light bulb to flip the switch to the upward position only if the people in the room where the light bulb amount up to a certain number, which is not to be exceeded unless certain fees are paid to the appropriate parties.
1 independent guy d.b.a. something or other to post a link to his exemplary Light Bulb End User License Agreement, originally written by himself but thoroughly reworked by John Szchlong, attorney at law working for the reputable corporate law firm of Ript, Till & Udie. The license agreement clearly and undisputably states that the rays emanating from the light bulb are to benefit up to a maximum of five (5) persons and two (2) pets at any given time. The license agreement also clearly states that if the light bulb were to be used to provide lighting for more than 5 persons and/or 2 pets, the possibility of a mighty judgment coming can be very relevant. The last paragraph of the licensing agreement states that special discounted pricing is available for multiple light bulb installations (e.g. parties).
1 to exclaim:"Well jeez, it's my fucken light bulb!"
3 to complain about the word 'fucken'.
1 to use a quote by a dead philosopher to point out the perils of common typos, such as the misspelt word "fucken", and that the two traditional ways of spelling the word are " fucking " and " fuckin'", then hastily adding that the word itself is of course too vulgar and inappropriate to any discussion, especially the current one, since the street word for copulating cannot possibly have anything substantial to do with the subject on hand.
1 to ignore all that and patiently explain to the person with the foul fingertips that no, sir, it is not your light bulb, that it is the manufacturer's light bulb, that one only purchases the rights to use the light bulb under certain conditions which are enforceable legally.
1 light bulb manufacturing company representative to thank the patient explainer, and explain further that if the conditions under which the light bulb was purchased are not met, the light bulb user can and will be held accountable to the atrocity of such pirate activity, that although the rep works for a light bulb manufacturing company his or her views shouldn't be
construed as the position of the company itself, that no rights are deferred, that all rights are reserved, and that if someone received this communication by mistake they should kindly alert the originator to the mishap and delete the post itself, or else.
74 to remain silent for two days because the light bulb manufacturing company rep posted.
1 to get back to the original topic and point out that two leading manufacturers have some years ago developed a new light switch technology (NLST) that can detect the number of the people in a room and activate a self-locking mechanism on the switch if that number exceeds a particular ceiling. Furthermore, the changer of the light bulb can set the maximum number of people that the switch can take via a digitally signed table called NUMB (whereas the minimum number of people can be set via the NUMA table, but it's usually set at 0). The person then goes on to say that regardless of whether or not this technology is to be used in conjunction with the light bulb in question here, the licensing agreement of the light bulb itself should clearly state the minimum and maximum number of people allowed in the room. This would serve to legally enforce the contract, as opposed to NLST which serves to enforce the contract only technologically, which as history has well proven is usually circumventable given enough time and bad apples.
1 to ask the question: "If there are 0 people in a room, who the hell is going to flip the switch?"
1 to explain that using technologies currently in development light switch users in the future will certainly be able to flip the switch in a particular room from anywhere on the planet, that IBM has already patented such applications, and that the competition in that budding industry is the fiercest since jousting days.
1 to ponder the possibilities of such technologies and publicly imagine how things will happen 400 years in the future.
1 guy, hoping for rewards in reputation, sex and public support, to publish a long essay on how horrible it must be for women who choose to change light bulbs these days, given the traditionally male-dominated field of light bulb installation.
3 women to start WALE, Women's Association of Lighting Experts, the logo of which is a romanticized and swashed vector version of a 1941 painting entitled "Eve's New Apple", portraying the very first woman to ever change a light bulb, an Italian named Beatrice Russo.
1 guy to complain at length that WALE is an elitist, prejudiced, separatist, and all-around detestable concept.
1 gay guy to flame the complainer and subsequently propose the start of GALE, Gay Association of Lighting Experts, a proposal which both men and women ignore, women because they're just having so much fun getting their own thing up and going, and men because they're afraid to bond with the gay guy.
1 random web cruiser to tell the whole forum to take their light bulb and lodge it where it would not be able to emit any light even if it wants to.
1 to ask whatever the hell happened to the initial request for a light bulb change, and be told that the prospective client thought the whole silly salad was too darn saucy so got his niece to change the light bulb for $10.
28 to voice extreme concern and eyeball-rolling over the legitimacy of any light bulb changed by a hobbyist for so little money, the legitimacy of any human being who accepts to use such a cheap solution, the legitimacy of any nincompoop layman who has the nerve to even attempt changing a light bulb without first writing out a good project plan where historical quotes, great advice from the experts and due thanks to them would be included, and the legitimacy of anyone's niece.
1 forum owner to summarize the whole thread and start an extension of it on his own forum.
Fredrick Nader
August 28, 2003
Toronto
posted by frankysbride at 11:05 AM
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